The story broke when a student from a more pious and holy congregation noticed a seemingly innocuous sign labelled "Charlie" on the wall during the mandatory tea and coffee
at the end. This seemed innocent enough, until he caught sight of signs that said "hash" and "heroin", whereupon he went outside to call the police.However, two of the ring's "goons"(believed to be those in the picture below, seen near the time of the incident) blinded him with a camera flash and threw him over the edge where he fell to his death.
The group's ringleader is rumoured to be the one whose codename is "dangermouse" (below). She is known for her fashion of wearing sunglasses all the time, due to her dislike of bright lights. However, police also suspect one Stephen Alison,the lead singer of a successful indie group. He has gone into hiding.
Local Councillor Polly Tishian of the "Mothers Against Dissolving the European Union Party (MADEUP) is said to be "shocked and disgusted" by the actions of those who were taking advantage of the church for the purposes of drugs, before excusing herself for a spliff.
If you encounter these people, exercise due caution, but do not be afraid to engage them in conversation as they will not harm those who don't pry too much, and they are actually very nice people.
Unavailable for comment, Yoda was.
The investigation continues.
