This is most unlike me, so I'll be brief (and this note will be gone in the morning)
I would just ask that you pray for me at this time. Lately, I've made things very difficult for myself and I'm not feeling too hot about it, as you can imagine. I've made some bad errors and been a total hypocrite about certain issues, as well as work not going too well. These things are all combining to make me feel like the worst person in the world and just terrible generally, and I really need your help. Please pray that I can patch things up with the people in question and God will allow me to see a more accurate view of both myself and others, that I can motivate myself to work again, and be the happy person I know I can be.
Thanks a lot, it would mean so much to me, especially when since I know many of you have your own worries just now.
Andrew
Rev 21-I can't wait for this!
Thursday, 26 April 2007
Saturday, 7 April 2007
No, I'm sorry, I've got exams...
It's that time of year again, when students everywhere put down their pints, stop claiming discounts and pick up their notes for the first time in the academic year- yes, exams are back to tease, torment and demoralise the populace (who, it seems, are increasing in both youth and number, but that is a comment for another day).
Some lock themselves in the library for days on end trying to remember that last piece of information on plant genetics or the algerian war or the gram-schmidt procedure, while others leave their bedroom only to go to the toilet or make a sandwich. Much weight is lost as they sacrifice meals to get that last piece of knowledge away before the big day. It's horrible, especially since the weather is starting to get nice and some people don't even have any exams!
It's tougher for some people than others, though.
The last two exam periods I had were both traumatic in their own ways. Last year my grandad died in the middle of them and my dad advised me not to come home for the funeral so i could finish my exams. It was the right decision, but it was horrible to be sat in the library when I could have been paying my respects to my grandfather.
The year before that, I made a horrendous mistake that left my self-confidence at an all-time low and I still wear the scars (physical and mental) to this day. Although, if I'm honest, the damage was largely caused by my initial repressing of the incident (due to an impending exam) and it coming back to bite me later, rather than the incident itself, per se.
These are big setbacks no doubt, but somehow they pale in comparison to what pain some people go through this time of year every year. I wish there are some words of comfort I could draw that would suit everybody, but I can't think of any at the minute.
But why do we have to go through this? Simple, we are a fallen creation. Genesis 3:17b-19
[God said to Adam after he had eaten from the tree of knowledge] Cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground; for out of it you were taken; for you are dust and to dust you shall return.
our sin has meant that we won't get everything provided for us, we have to work for it, and it will be painful and excruciating at times. And, worst, we won't be the ones who benefit from it all the time.
Ecclesiastes 2:18-19
I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me, and who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will be master of all for which I toiled and used my wisdom under the sun. This.. is a vanity.
I have taken this passage slightly out of context to make the point, but hopefully you can see that sometimes life just doesn't seem fair- you work hard and your efforts don't seem to make any difference to you- it's all wasted effort.
The consequences of the fall reach far beyond this, but there is hope. We don't have to live as fallen people anymore- God has forgiven us through the sacrifice of His Son and we need not fear sin. Work is still important in our lives, but it can be a powerful way to glorify God if we work hard and appreciate how God has shown Himself through what we are learning. Trust Him , and He will lead you the right way, even if your exams don't go as planned. It might be the only thing that keeps you sane....
God bless
Andrew
[Addendum: I was trying to do about ten things at once when I wrote this so it's entirely possible it makes no sense or that the passages I quoted are totally out of context. If so... oops. In my defence I was just trying to help...]
Some lock themselves in the library for days on end trying to remember that last piece of information on plant genetics or the algerian war or the gram-schmidt procedure, while others leave their bedroom only to go to the toilet or make a sandwich. Much weight is lost as they sacrifice meals to get that last piece of knowledge away before the big day. It's horrible, especially since the weather is starting to get nice and some people don't even have any exams!
It's tougher for some people than others, though.
The last two exam periods I had were both traumatic in their own ways. Last year my grandad died in the middle of them and my dad advised me not to come home for the funeral so i could finish my exams. It was the right decision, but it was horrible to be sat in the library when I could have been paying my respects to my grandfather.
The year before that, I made a horrendous mistake that left my self-confidence at an all-time low and I still wear the scars (physical and mental) to this day. Although, if I'm honest, the damage was largely caused by my initial repressing of the incident (due to an impending exam) and it coming back to bite me later, rather than the incident itself, per se.
These are big setbacks no doubt, but somehow they pale in comparison to what pain some people go through this time of year every year. I wish there are some words of comfort I could draw that would suit everybody, but I can't think of any at the minute.
But why do we have to go through this? Simple, we are a fallen creation. Genesis 3:17b-19
[God said to Adam after he had eaten from the tree of knowledge] Cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground; for out of it you were taken; for you are dust and to dust you shall return.
our sin has meant that we won't get everything provided for us, we have to work for it, and it will be painful and excruciating at times. And, worst, we won't be the ones who benefit from it all the time.
Ecclesiastes 2:18-19
I hated all my toil in which I toil under the sun, seeing that I must leave it to the man who will come after me, and who knows whether he will be wise or a fool? Yet he will be master of all for which I toiled and used my wisdom under the sun. This.. is a vanity.
I have taken this passage slightly out of context to make the point, but hopefully you can see that sometimes life just doesn't seem fair- you work hard and your efforts don't seem to make any difference to you- it's all wasted effort.
The consequences of the fall reach far beyond this, but there is hope. We don't have to live as fallen people anymore- God has forgiven us through the sacrifice of His Son and we need not fear sin. Work is still important in our lives, but it can be a powerful way to glorify God if we work hard and appreciate how God has shown Himself through what we are learning. Trust Him , and He will lead you the right way, even if your exams don't go as planned. It might be the only thing that keeps you sane....
God bless
Andrew
[Addendum: I was trying to do about ten things at once when I wrote this so it's entirely possible it makes no sense or that the passages I quoted are totally out of context. If so... oops. In my defence I was just trying to help...]
Thursday, 5 April 2007
Talk to the hand, the facebook ain't listening
Off work with nothing to do today, I was browsing facebook. Nothing out of the ordinary, until at around half four (I think) I had something approaching an epiphany. I found myself thinking
"what really is the point of all this? Am I really going to waste my whole holiday stalking people?".
Those of you that know me will know that when it comes to facebook, the word "addict" somehow doesn't quite cut it. I've lost a lot of work hours this year because of it, and if I'm honest, if I don't get through my first year review, this will be one of my prime reasons. It made sense, then, to head straight for "my account" and "deactivate my account". Intriguingly, when you do this, you have to click on a reason why. I clicked on "it's only temporary" because I will probably go back on sometime soon to see what the gossip is (because sadly the only space where you can find this kind of stuff out these days is on facebook), but other options include "it takes up too much time" (to which you get a message saying how they can reduce the number of emails you get) "I get too many emails" (ditto) "I'm not comfortable with everyone being able to see my profile" (it tells you you can change your privacy) and so on and so forth, in an obvious attempt to make you change your mind. I was resolute, however, and proceeded with it.
I must confess, it felt good. I have had my criticisms of it for a long time. I've always thought it a bit contrived and insincere, and while the original idea of it was good, the concept has gone something out of control (not least the mistake that was the news feed).
Other issues come into play too, because you read stuff that's been written about you on other people's walls, and I must say, I've found some pretty demoralising stuff written about me on someone's wall that came up on my news feed (the person that wrote that should have sent a private message). It's also very easy to get paranoid about what people write or that a person hasn't replied to something or other that you were expecting a reply to. I've made a couple of bad bad mistakes because of this.
The last thing is that there is no doubt that facebook has had a massive impact on the edinburgh uni social scene. Events are advertised almost exclusively on facebook now and now also everyone seems to know everything about everyone before they even meet them, and even then, they just talk about facebook. At least, if the last couple of parties I've been to is anything to go by (not saying the company I had then was poor...).
Anyway, the fact that you're reading this at all means that I'm back on it. It wasn't entirely my decision but frankly I don't feel like deactivating my account again- a weekend without facebook was great but it's my only point of contact with some people these days. I like to talk to these folk so I'm sure you'll forgive me if I stay on for a bit. I will try to tone it down though...
"what really is the point of all this? Am I really going to waste my whole holiday stalking people?".
Those of you that know me will know that when it comes to facebook, the word "addict" somehow doesn't quite cut it. I've lost a lot of work hours this year because of it, and if I'm honest, if I don't get through my first year review, this will be one of my prime reasons. It made sense, then, to head straight for "my account" and "deactivate my account". Intriguingly, when you do this, you have to click on a reason why. I clicked on "it's only temporary" because I will probably go back on sometime soon to see what the gossip is (because sadly the only space where you can find this kind of stuff out these days is on facebook), but other options include "it takes up too much time" (to which you get a message saying how they can reduce the number of emails you get) "I get too many emails" (ditto) "I'm not comfortable with everyone being able to see my profile" (it tells you you can change your privacy) and so on and so forth, in an obvious attempt to make you change your mind. I was resolute, however, and proceeded with it.
I must confess, it felt good. I have had my criticisms of it for a long time. I've always thought it a bit contrived and insincere, and while the original idea of it was good, the concept has gone something out of control (not least the mistake that was the news feed).
Other issues come into play too, because you read stuff that's been written about you on other people's walls, and I must say, I've found some pretty demoralising stuff written about me on someone's wall that came up on my news feed (the person that wrote that should have sent a private message). It's also very easy to get paranoid about what people write or that a person hasn't replied to something or other that you were expecting a reply to. I've made a couple of bad bad mistakes because of this.
The last thing is that there is no doubt that facebook has had a massive impact on the edinburgh uni social scene. Events are advertised almost exclusively on facebook now and now also everyone seems to know everything about everyone before they even meet them, and even then, they just talk about facebook. At least, if the last couple of parties I've been to is anything to go by (not saying the company I had then was poor...).
Anyway, the fact that you're reading this at all means that I'm back on it. It wasn't entirely my decision but frankly I don't feel like deactivating my account again- a weekend without facebook was great but it's my only point of contact with some people these days. I like to talk to these folk so I'm sure you'll forgive me if I stay on for a bit. I will try to tone it down though...
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